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Dele Jegede In Conversation With Prince Yemisi Shyllon
Prof. Toyin Falola

By Toyin Falola

August 28, 2023. Delta Air, Flight 54. 10.45 PM, Lagos to Atlanta. The flight took off. I had not slept for two days running—not because I was thinking about money, like my neighbour to the left, or how to resolve the Zaddy issues for my friend in Kano. Power to the People! I was wondering whether I should write a poem or watch a movie. I was going to sleep, as I could do without sleep for days. My body must experience pain before I make the gains. Before I could decide, a gentleman, like the Devil, gave the idle hand a job.

Shall I tell you how I could have accurately written the biography of a person I had met in under one hour? I was jejely seated by the aisle on a twelve-hour flight when my seatmate to my right, a man, started to make small talk with me. I allowed him because networking is a big thing now. You know how they say we should be nice and accommodating because we can meet our helpers anywhere? God in heaven, in His seat, has His two legs glued to the golden floor and will never come to Nigeria to assist anyone. I would not have known if this man was a friend of Femi Otedola or if he was Barack Obama’s brother or King Charles’ in-law. Maybe he knows Dele Alake, who knows another, Femi, the hilarious Fani Kayode, who is connected with Festus Keyamo, a friend of Nyesom Wike who consumes whisky like the Niger Delta water. I could get a plot of land from the FCT Minister, who will have a lot to give after the demolition work. So, I smiled, nodded and gave simple replies. I even said, “Yes sir,” as Nigerians do.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly blurted out, “Do you know my wife has had 3 miscarriages?” Ha! How am I supposed to know? Did I sleep with his wife? Why do I have to know? Am I the bereaved? We just met 5 minutes ago! I only shook my head as I had no response to give him.  But I was not happy with myself. I suddenly remembered what I was told by the late Bishop Banjo, father of Professor Ladipo Ayodeji Banjo, former Vice Chancellor of the University of Ibadan and father of Mr. Banjo, my boss in 1989 at the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs: 

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

I am curious that this passage remains in Romans 12: 15-16. No one bothered to have erased it! Like Egypt, it has yet to move out of Africa. I could not cry. I must show remorse; otherwise, the late Bishop Banjo will accuse me of conceit. I sympathized with my co-passenger.

This man, who we shall call Richard, a name that I hear every day but not because I don’t know him, went on to “share” with me personal information that I did not care to know. Who is killing his babies before they are born? Richard went through a long list of suspects, including his pastor, the thief who steals from the church; his friend who lives on the mainland while he lives on the island; and even his mother-in-law, who was once a witch before Daddy Oyedepo cast the demon out of her.

He asked if I thought the reason why he was bald was because he had diabetes. Olorun O, how does he know I have diabetes if it is obvious that I am bald? I was glad that he accepted my answer that it was because he allowed birds to patch on his head, and he used white soup to eat pounded yam, forgetting that the soup is made with yam. Yam cannot kill Yam, but they can kill Richard.

He told me where he and his wife worked and how much they earned. Too much for two people. I was happy with this information, thinking I would soon receive an alert, the first time in ten years that someone would credit my account. God When? 

He also told me how he was indecisive about buying either a car or a property as a plea gift to his wife for cheating on her with her best friend. I don’t see a problem in this, and I said, “Why don’t you give the car to your wife and the house to your hidden chick?” His wife’s best friend cannot be a side chick, but the hidden one! He thanked me and wondered why. I said, “When caught, you can use the car to pack your stuff and move to the house of your wife’s best friend”. Richard laughed. I discovered, for the first time, that I am a genius. Falola Idan—he does not go to school; he wins the Nobel!

Richard continued, and I did not know how to tell him to stop talking. I could not watch a movie; I could not write a poem. When I could no longer bear it, I pretended to be asleep to save myself from his biography history class. You probably think he “opened up” that much because he recognized me as Toyin Falola, the Japa Professor and the Professor of Japa, but no, that flight was the first time we had seen or heard about each other. I had never met Richard. I may never meet again.

Garrulousness is a bad habit; it is a result of indiscipline. A loquacious person will definitely overshare and even tell lies. There is so much wisdom in speaking less. One who refrains his lips is wise. A fool is known first by his speech, followed by his actions. A talkative person cannot be trusted; when he says good morning, you would have to look up to see the skies if it is truly morning or night. Epictetus has rightly said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak”. Unfortunately, we have people who have ten mouths and one ear and who still speak twice as much as they can listen.

I recall the story I was told of two secondary school boys chatting about their families on their way back from school. In an attempt to brag, one of the boys mentioned that his father returned home the previous day with a box full of money and hid it under his bed. His friend, a gang member, got home and informed the rest of the gang, who paid the boy’s family an August visit at night. After searching, they found out that there was no money anywhere. Out of anger, the robbers shot the boy’s father to death. Out of his foolishness and excessive talking habits, he caused harm to his family. It appears that many people are like this young fool but are probably yet to learn their lessons from oversharing and excessive talk. 

Many people need serious deliverance from their mouths that open like a tap with no control, and water gushes out non-stop. Some people talk to the extent that in a five-minute conversation, you can decode their whole life, what is going on with them and their next move. You know, we always give excuses for whatever we do. Some of the excuses excessive talkers give are: I just like to talk, I like to speak my mind, I am an extrovert, I am an open book, and I do not like to hide things from people. Elejo wewe, be sincere with yourself; you are just a blabbermouth who does not know when to keep quiet, when to talk, what to say, and what is not supposed to be said. Agree with that first; then, we can discuss your problem’s solution. 

No doubt, everyone feels good when they talk about themselves; some people feel important by talking about themselves. If you see a group picture in which you are featured, the first person you will look out for is you. Abike! You will be more concerned about how you look in the picture than everyone else. Hence, people overshare and talk excessively about themselves because they derive importance and validation. 

Oh! I know that feeling when you just announce to your friends, family and online fans that you just got the latest car, you bagged that huge award, your prize is more than $50,000, your wife just took in, you just got a huge credit alert, someone sent you the latest phone, you just booked your flight for a vacation on the moon, Mr. Right just proposed to you, you just changed your wardrobe, you just got an invite from the president. The list goes on. 

There is no problem with disclosing your latest achievements; that is what the gram is for. The problem is that you say too much, reveal too many details, and do not know what should be personal and what should be for the general public. We do not have to know everything; if you have to share, you do not need to give us the details. 

The habit of oversharing is popular among social media celebrities and their imitators. There is a lot of competition out there. The pressure is overwhelming, and to ensure that you do not carry last, you will have to update your fans, whom you think care so much about you and hold you in high esteem, on every detail of your life, from the moment you wake up till the time you go to bed. Two days ago, OBO just told us he has a diamond tooth. I am expecting him to change his tongue to gold. That kind of life is stressful, I must say.

Oversharing one’s personal life will often lead to intentional or unintentional exaggeration. Have you ever listened to someone narrate an incident to you and they mentioned something, and before the end of their talk, they already forgot what they said in the first place, and then everything becomes confusing and contradictory? We must all have that one person in our lives, the “Sydney Talker”, who cannot but add icing to the cake to make their talk interesting to you. They keep talking until they forget themselves in their bad habit and spill unnecessary tea. A black lie here, a white lie, makes a very interesting story. You can thank me later for the expo.

The lack of wisdom to define relationships and set necessary boundaries is another problem of excessive talkers. If everyone is held in the same esteem in your life, then you are in trouble because, through your mouth, you will gladly open the gate of your life to trouble. Classifying your relationships and knowing what to disclose with whom is pivotal to helping you get a hold of yourself and have some level of control. As we would all weigh different kilograms when put on a weighing scale, it is the same way we ought to weigh people in our lives and put everyone in their places, respectively. Everyone cannot and will not mean the same to you. Your online family is not your nuclear family, but your nuclear family is the same as your extended family. Even your friends do not mean the same thing to you on the same level.  Everyone should know what they need to know at their respective time. It is not pride to classify your relationships; it is simple human wisdom; otherwise, your life will be in chaos.

A common form of excessive talking or oversharing is gossip. Truth be told, in one way or another, we all talk about other people in their absence. No one is innocent of that; the difference is what we say, how we say it, and how frequently we engage in common gossip. But it seems the grace for gossip is heavily rested on some special individuals. The Almighty did not share this grace equally. I still wonder how some people are so endowed with this grace. They have made it their life’s business to distribute other people’s personal and private matters. They are very passionate about their job and have earned the “busybody” title due to their expertise in prying into other people’s affairs. The excessive talk of a busybody is mostly not about himself but always about others. Amebo!

Gossip is normalized on social media, where people derive joy and attention from talking about other people’s business. In fact, some people have made it big on social media by digging for information about other people, especially celebrities, and feeding it to the general public. Gistlover is a famous gossip blog that serves the media with celebrity gossip while everyone enjoys trolling and dragging people. It is easier to find faults than to find praise. Well, nothing else kills a person as criticism from others, especially those they are trying to please. In the long run, gossip will only do more harm than good to the person sharing and the person who is gossiping about. 

Most people overshare without knowing they have crossed the line, giving every detail about their relationship, family, finance, etc. Women, don’t remove your pants for men, as they will tell their best friends. People, even sometimes some with a disability, gain sympathy and attention and get a feeling of importance; hence, they overshare. It is discipline to learn how to create social and relational boundaries. Do not wash your dirty laundry in public; people are not as interested in you as much as you think; everyone is entirely interested in themselves, which does not even mean they are selfish. You will only end up blaming yourself for the consequences of your bad habit.

Shame, insecurity, and loss of privacy are consequences of oversharing. Borrow some sense from those who reveal little about their life’s business. The fact that they do not share a lot with you does not mean that they do not have much going on in their lives. A problem shared is a problem solved, but not in all cases. Apply wisdom. If that person you are “sharing” your problems with opens her mouth to tell you a quarter of her problems, you will thank God for your own problems.

Compulsive talking is sometimes a result of when you just feel the need to say something, but you betray yourself by talking excessively. Our lives would be more productive when we learn to speak less and think more. Great thinkers are not always great talkers. To stop oversharing, think more about the conversation and whom you speak to. Must I always be involved? Do I know this person?  How much is too much to share? Is this information necessary for this conversation? Does this person need to know this? What level of trust do I have with this person? If you can answer these questions honestly, you will likely avoid revealing too much.

Richard, leave me alone. Please!


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Philosophy, Meaninglessness And The Nature  Of Politics In Nigeria



Prof. Tunji Olaopa

By  Tunji Olaopa

Let me start this piece on a reflective note, and then connect the reflection with my concern for the political trajectory of the Nigerian state. And where else to start than with one of the wisdom quotes of Socrates. According to him, By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” To be sure, this is not just advice on marital bliss. It contains a gem of philosophical insight that is both universal and particular, as I aim to demonstrate. Marrying a bad wife is Socrates’ own way of signaling dissatisfaction, discomfort and distress as the key to making sense of life. We then immediately understand the cogent sense in Karl Marx’s reaction to the opiate quality that religion brings to bear on the critical sense the people ought to have. By saying “religion is the opium of the people,” Marx meant to say that religion deadens the emancipatory possibilities that discomfort and distress bring to human existence. And even when Jesus began to espouse the theology of being “poor in spirit,” it points to the same issue of coming to a full spiritual awareness only with the realization that you are first poor in spirit. 

Life, and the experience of existence and who we are, revolves around the meaning we ascribe to who we are and how we interpret life and the meaning of human existence. This is where one will recognize, again, the genius of Fela Anikulapo Kuti in capturing the tragic and traumatic rhythm of existence in Nigeria. In “Shuffering and Shmiling,” we come face to face with a realistic assessment of Nigerian life, and especially the complacence we all sit comfortably in while we are getting traumatized. While the Imam, Pope and Archbishop are enjoying, Nigerians are somnolent in suffering. And their enjoyment derives from their capacity to keep Nigerians politically mute about their situation. However, and without slinging any mud, is it not interesting that while those who brought Christianity to Africa have adapted their faith to a capitalist ethos—a la Max Weber’s Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism—we are still trooping to church, spending our hard- earned money, and always looking towards heaven without equally sufficient thought on how to actively navigate the path towards progress on this earthly plane? 

And we can easily see how this reflective path I am taking in this piece leads inexorably into the understanding of what Nigerians have made of their capacity for an active citizenship that vigorously queries the government on what it is making of the commonweal or the social contract which is meant to make their lives qualitatively better than they presently are. And yet, in most instances, Nigerians have often retreated. The recent fuel subsidy and the #EndSARS protests are exceptions from the rule of consistently backing away from a constructive engagement with the government and instead building “local government areas” in communities. In other word, every community takes up the responsibility of government in self-help arrangements where private guards and vigilance groups replace the state security framework, boreholes and wells replace water boards, generators and solar inverters replace electricity providers, private schools take over from public schools, and so on. 

The perceptive reader would indeed have preceded me to the point I have reached in this reflection; the point of asking what the nature of politics really is. Let me return to the Greek philosophers. Plato once said that until philosophers become kings or kings become philosophers, cities will never have rest from evils. The reason for his insistence is simple: political greatness and philosophical wisdom ought to meet in one person. And yet, even the great Athenian city-state could not make that aspiration of a philosopher-king possible. Plato wanted to become a great politician, like Solon and Pericles. But then Athens was rapidly declining, and with it also the counsel of justice. And this was exactly the reason Socrates, Plato’s teacher, was judicially murdered, and Plato’s aspiration of becoming a philosopher-king summarily aborted. With Solon and Pericles, there was a progressive and increasingly successful attempts at rehabilitating the Athenian constitution to make it better able to serve the Athenian citizens. 

The unfortunate thing is that the understanding of the nature of politics, or who a politician is, is still very crucial till today, and especially in a postcolonial state like Nigeria. And unfortunately, still, the trajectory of the decline of ancient Athens and her struggling to regain her democratic antecedent has remained my perception of the failure of politics in Nigeria since 1966. Nigeria’s governance experiment has birthed a  series of false starts, wrong moves, uncritical governance models as well as an evolving political class that kept undermining the hope of an emerging political culture around which the Nigerian project can be finally and fully resolved. All these coalesce into the terrible dynamic we have grown to call the “Nigerian Factor”. Permit me to highlight just four dimensions of that enigmatic dynamic that has constrained Nigeria’s progress and national development since independence.

The first, for me, is the lack of a coherent vision of national well-being by a clueless political class that points at a blueprint for a better future for Nigeria and Nigerians. This is to say that the elite nationalistic framework that has served as the pathway for enlightened reflection on development for other countries is still floundering in Nigeria. On the contrary, the elite has been rather preoccupied by an extractive logic that operationalize primitive accumulation to the detriment of the commonweal. The second dimension, and a logical corollary of the first, is the incapacity of Nigeria’s political parties to serve as the framework for defining the ideological deployment of power that conditions governance models and development direction. Capturing power, the fundamental objective of all political parties, is in this case not aligned with a purposeful transformative agenda which makes the party a change agent and also ensures legitimacy for those the parties are fielding for political positions. 

The third issue comes from the inevitable listlessness of the development agenda that has not yielded any headway for transforming the lives of Nigerians. And hence, Nigeria has been benchmarking the failure of her development planning for sixty-three years. An extractive political class, riding on political parties that just want to capture power, could only lead to a development agenda without any content. And lastly, we see how the epileptic development agenda would fail to backstop the rehabilitation of the Nigerian national project of integrating the diverse constituents of the Nigerian state around a civic nationalism—making ethnic nationalities believe in one Nigeria. 

The great lesson of sixty-three years of Nigerian attempt at making a headway of politics and governance, is that the task of making Nigeria great—and politics a vehicle for good governance—can no longer be left for professional politicians alone. It is this same conclusion that led to the institutional expansion of the concept of governance to bring non-state and non-governmental actors within the same confines with government officials, functionaries and apparatuses in making governance work for the citizens. Now, it is time to expand the field of politics, and make it a mechanism for taking Nigeria more seriously than the politicians and the political class in Nigeria have taken. I am arguing that the idea of the “elite” in elite nationalism now needs more genuine and patriotic coalition of professionals and intellectuals, including the civil society organizations and other professional associations. The revolutionary task is that of tempering the opportunism that has characterized the trajectory of the Nigerian polity from independence till date—the opportunism of a greedy political class that has compromised Nigeria’s greatness. 

And this is the message I took to the keynote responsibility at the annual workshop of the Association of Professional Bodies of Nigeria (APBN) in September. The message is that the Nigerian professionals and professional bodies have a redemptive responsibility to weigh in on Nigeria’s survival as a nation with potential. Nigeria needs the critical insertion of professionals with the proper brew of patriotism and professionalism into the policy architecture. The professional sees herself as being involved in a calling—a vocation, rather than just seeking for self-gratification. This is the first responsibility of a professional body like the APBN: the responsible gatekeeping of professionalism in Nigeria’s professional life. And given where the professional is mostly coming from, the private sector, there is an immediate and urgent need to instigate the institutionalization and functional optimality of the public-private partnership around which most government and their policy initiatives in the world take their strength. This is the kind of partnership that distinguishes the Nigerian Economic Summit Group (NESG) as one of the nation’s leading think-tanks

To be able to make the Nigeria government serve Nigerians, professionals and intellectuals need to invigorate the trajectory of policy making in Nigeria in ways that assist in fashioning a direction for governance and making elite nationalism more fulfilling as a pathway to an ideological understanding of politics. This way, Nigeria’s professionals have a hand in rescuing the Nigerian state from a headlong descent into meaningfulness and anomie. At least, they owe that to Nigerians.         

Olaopa is a retired Federal Permanent Secretary, and Professor of Public Administration .


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The Toyin Falola Interviews: Panel Discussion On Coups In Africa: Geo-Politics, Legitimacies, And Resource Management



Dr.Claire Princess Ayelotan

By Claire Princess Ayelotan

It is imperative that we acknowledge the need to shift away from Maradona democracy in Africa. The panels have aptly articulated this sentiment. The root of this issue lies in the need for a change in mindset through education. Unfortunately, even education cannot guarantee a change in ignorance, as displayed by some politicians.

The true challenge is the disunity among Africans that external actors routinely exploit. This makes coming together to establish a contextualised democracy challenging, reminiscent of the biblical passage “to your tent, oh Israel (1 Kings 12:16b)”. A house divided against itself cannot stand and will inevitably fall apart under any pressure. This is why thieves will come without hesitation to steal, kill, and eventually destroy. During pre-colonial times, some African leaders participated in the colonisation of their own people. It is also widely acknowledged that many elites were responsible for selling their people to slavery during imperialism. As mentioned above, the elites or their descendants also bear significant responsibility for disrupting and undermining long-standing traditions, religions, and belief systems in Africa. It is of great concern that I note the considerable impact of Western imperialism on Africa’s cultural landscape. Introducing toxic religio-cultural practices has contributed to decades of turmoil and instability of the continent. One such could be deducted from Jean-Marc Ela that “The God of missionary preaching was a God so distant, so foreign to the history of the colonised people (Ela 1986, 29).” They presented a facade of aid and benevolence to the people of Africa, but in reality, their actions were intended to maintain the subjugation of the indigenous population long after the colonialists had departed.

The extent to which these African elites were manipulated remains unclear; however, the same sense of disunity among Africans has once again become apparent. The divided house is crumbling! ECOWAS’s decision to launch an attack on Niger in response to the military coup that occurred raises several questions about the organisation’s motivations and consistency in addressing such events in the region. Specifically, why did ECOWAS choose to act against Niger while other countries, such as Mali, Guinea, and Gabon, have experienced similar military takeovers with no apparent action from the organisation? Whose voices are they listening to or hearing? Could they be concerned that they could be their respective nations that will soon undergo military coups? Niger’s neighbour, Nigeria serves as a compelling illustration of the potential for a severe social or political crisis. Given the persistent poverty and the glaring disparities between the wealthy and disadvantaged segments of the population, it is conceivable that an incident more catastrophic than a military coup may soon occur.

It is crucial to explore these discrepancies to understand ECOWAS’ role in maintaining instability in West Africa. Launching an attack on Niger is an infringement of Niger’s sovereignty and a clear violation of the Rule of Law. First, Niger is a sovereign nation, not a battlefield for mineral resources. It is imperative to consider the financial implications of engaging in armed conflict, including the loss of lives, psychological trauma, exploitation of the vulnerable, and forced displacement. Nigeria, which has long struggled to secure adequate food supplies for its population, would face significant challenges in providing sustenance to Nigerien refugees in the event of a war. Second, according to Sir Tom Bingham (2011, 8), the importance of the rule of law is that regardless of the type of authority represented by persons or organisations, the laws enacted and enforced in public must be binding on them, which requires clear, consistent, fair, and impartial laws, without discrimination or favouritism. In contemporary democracies, the observance of legal precepts is recognised as a fundamental aspect of effective administration, which appears to be absent in the governance of many African countries.

Moreover, the recent declaration by the President of France, Emmanuel Macron, regarding the withdrawal of French troops from Niger before the end of December has raised concerns about the durability of this decision (France24, 2023). The troops in question had been stationed in Mali for nearly a decade but were compelled to leave the country in February of the previous year (Chrisafis and Burke, 2022). Subsequently, they were moved to Niger. This development serves as a distressing reminder of the situation in Afghanistan when the United States and its allies withdrew their forces (Stewart and Ali 2021) and raised spectres of history repeating itself too soon.

However, there were some concerns. It is unclear whether this is a temporary measure to allow for full-scale clashes between military insurgents and the ECOWAS or a permanent one. Additionally, a country’s claim that its ambassador is being held hostage in Niger raises questions about the truthfulness of this statement as there is no evidence to support this claim. No one is holding the ambassador, as he is free to leave Niger. The Nigerien military simply revoked his diplomatic immunity. It is widely known that France initially declined to withdraw, and the reason was well known.

If a military force from an African country invaded France and refused to withdraw, what would France do? The French government would likely take some steps to address the situation. These might include diplomatic efforts to negotiate a resolution, deployment of military forces to defend against further incursions, and implementation of economic or other sanctions against the invading country. Ultimately, the specific actions that France would take in this situation would depend on some factors, including the scale and nature of the invasion, capabilities of the French military, and the situation’s broader political and strategic context. Furthermore, France’s continued presence in the region has been met with criticism regarding its hostile relationship with francophones and has called into question the continuity of disguised colonialism in these regions.

A similar façade to the above is France’s hard-line stance on migrants from Lampedusa, Italy. On Tuesday, the 19th of September, the French interior minister, Gérald Darmanin, was invited and interviewed in the TF1 8 pm news about the sudden arrival of nearly 9000 migrants in Lampedusa. He replied, ‘La France n’accueillera pas de migrants’ meaning France will not welcome migrants (Timsit 2023). It is not being suggested that France should open its borders without restrictions to accommodate all migrants, as such an action would prove overwhelming and untenable. Instead, the issue at hand concerns the question of what steps should be taken concerning migrants who hail from countries that have been or continue to be exploited by nations that refuse to accept them. If the African continent were to experience development, would the current influx of migrants (including oneself) be witnessed? It is universally acknowledged that when one casts stones, they should not be surprised if the projectiles land upon their abode, causing them to crumble and be destroyed.

It is clear that the various perspectives on this issue require further examination. Africa is in crisis because of adopted foreign values that are inadaptable to the continent. Last night, Professor Mary Owusu mentioned the need to return to history and I agreed. This means that Africa must find its voice and necessitates excavating our heritage beyond the pre-colonial period to reclaim our dignity. Otherwise, it will continue running hopelessly in the dark with no hint of light in the tunnel (Ela 1986, 100). Africa must abandon its foreign-style democracy, akin to Maradona’s brand of leadership, in favour of a democratic system that is tailored to our socio-cultural and religious values. Until such a time, the probability of military coups or even more catastrophic events is unavoidable.

Ayelotan, MA, MA, PhD, PDSL, ACIArb, IMI,Theology & Religious Studies, University of Roehampton.

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Moral Values In A Changing World



Prof. Hope Eghagha

By Hope O’Rukevbe Eghagha

JUSTICE: This world has degenerated into abysmal filth, immoral ungodly concupiscence, infantile greed, atavistic, primitive acquisition of property, and satanic hopelessness! The judiciary, the political class, the church, our royal fathers, and most other socio-cultural institutions have fallen into the cesspit of indiscipline and lack of respect for ethics! The Labour movement that used to be in the forefront of discipline cannot be trusted anymore!

MARIAM: Hehehehehehe! Okpoyibo! Big grammar is talking. I must invite Hon Patrick Obahiagbon to compete with you on explosive vocabulary.

PROFESSOR: That’s an old song. Our parents said the same thing some forty odd years ago.

UMUKORO: You are right; it is the way of the old to berate the world and say the past was better!

JUSTICE: Kindly don’t reduce the profundity of my introspective submission to the jejune level of the banal as has been the hallmark of pseudo-intellectuals in the polity!

MARIAM: I am going to get a new and bigger dictionary. I can’t find Michael West anymore!

JUSTICE: If you still restrict yourself to the archaic confines of Michael West, then you are a victim of historical detention, arrested development, and exploration of the brave new world!

MARIAM: I give up!

UMUKORO: Who still uses a dictionary in the 21st century? Ask Google my dear, ask Google!

JUSTICE: Your infantile and rudimentary knowledge of homonyms limits your capacity to process thoughts of the new century. Away with you, thou physically beautiful body without an intellectual soul. I take exception to people denigrating my exceptionally brilliant exegesis on the state of Homo sapiens!

PASTOR: ‘And in the last days, iniquity shall abound and the love of many shall wax cold’, so said the Master. The time is here!

PROFESSOR: A broken record! A broken record waxed hundreds of years ago!

PASTOR: But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved!

PROFESSOR: Saved from what? Another holocaust? Another atomic bomb dumped on humanity?

PASTOR: Do you spurn sacred and biblical prophecies?

PROFESSOR: General prophecies mean nothing to me. Look here Mr Pastor. For all the false prophecies which members of your infernal gang of profiteering pastors gave before the last general elections, you should be behind the bars of God!

JUSTICE: It is not late, not too late at all. The hounds of heaven are waiting for all the false pastors, especially those who have commercialized the Lord’s work! A wonderful and abominable thing is happening in the land. The prophets prophesy falsely, and the people love it so!

PROFESSOR: One preacher I knew used to say that one false prophet was more dangerous than 100 armed robbers. Now I understand why!

UMUKORO: Armed robbery is no longer fashionable. Pen robbery fetches millions of naira with one stroke. Just add two zeros to the figure or transfer public funds to a private account.

PROFESSOR: I spoke metaphorically!

PASTOR: When it is becoming fashionable for persons of the same gender to marry and be recognized by the state, then the world is coming to an end.

UMUKORO: Sodom and Gomorrah incurred God’s wrath with that abomination!


MARIAM: When Supreme Court judges dispense political justice, then the end of the state as we knew it, has come.

UMUKORO: Even in America! Democratic judges give judgment guided by the so-called liberal values of the democrats while republican judges give conservative verdicts like abolishing the right to having an abortion!

JUSTICE: What then is justice?

MARIAM: Self solution! Your name is justice!

PROFESSOR: Aren’t we mixing oranges and apples in the same basket?

PASTOR: Let the tares and the wheat grow. At the harvest the Lord shall do the separation of sheep from goats!

JUSTICE: Eschatological metaphors can be used to rationalize and explain currents and undercurrents of contemporary events. It is very convenient to do so!

PROFESSOR: I am disappointed that our Nobel laureate could make such a one-sided pronouncement on the 2023 general elections. Unlike him, he didn’t speak like a man who comprehends the totality of our traumatic experience in February 2023!

MARIAM: But he spoke his mind. The Constitution guarantees freedom of expression!

JUSTICE: He spoke with the finality of a judge. I respect him for that. But he should also like an elder have acknowledged the level of rigging and violence which marred the exercise. The general thinking is that he is silent on that aspect because a friend of his now occupies Aso Rock!

MARIAM: That is a most uncharitable thing to say about a man of such intellectual distinction and moral probity!

JUSTICE: Excuse me! Has he occupied any public office in the country to enable you to arrive at that conclusion? Has he been tested?

MARIAM: His name is a shield. His name travels before him.

JUSTICE: Why did he wait for the PEPT to make a pronouncement before proclaiming his tigritude?

PROFESSOR: Let’s leave that old man alone jor! I’m more interested in the shuffling feet at the CBN. What exactly is going on? Was there no due diligence before Shonubi was asked to act as Governor of the Central bank of Nigeria? Didn’t they know, couldn’t they have suspected that he was part of the rot that ran that institution aground in the dying days of the former president?

PASTOR: Alas, it has given the president the opportunity to appoint his own man as governor. The new man by all account is competent and exposed in the financial world!

PROFESSOR: My only worry is whether he will have the gumption to say no if he receives obnoxious directives from his boss.

JUSTICE: How many appointees in our country have the liver to say no to the indiscretion of their bosses? It is not in our DNA!

MARIAM: In Lagos state, the Speaker of House said no to the governor on the appointment of some commissioners! The heavens did not fall.

PROFESSOR: The heavens almost fell. But that speaker is arrogant. No big man can trust him. Or was he dancing to music being played in higher quarters to spite the governor?

MARIAM: Who knows! It is possible. The ways of politicians are not straightforward. How could he say that he and the governor are colleagues! He has no respect for the office!

UMUKORO: I felt sorry for the governor! This attempt to humiliate him all in the name of politics.

JUSTICE: I hear it is all about 2024. If he is thinking of becoming governor, that statement will return to haunt him in future!

PASTOR: Now! Now! Now! Is the Dubai visa ban still hanging over us or Mr. President got the desert kings to lift the embargo?

JUSTICE: Is there any ‘gbajue’ going on?

PROFESSOR: Hahahahahaha! The more you look, the less you see. Proverbs to bones and silence!

UMUKORO: I don’t think it is ‘gbajue! It is possible that there was an agreement in principle which would require Nigeria to finetune certain details before going public. A federal government cannot tell lies about such public matters!

PASTOR: When the saviour comes, let him that be on the rooftop not come down to be saved. You will run to the mountain and the mountain will be melting!

MARIAM: And the sea will be boiling!

PROFESSOR: Who will save us? Who can take the nation back to factory reset? Shall we invite Nnamdi Azikiwe, Obafemi Awolowo, Gen. Aguiyi Ironsi, and Ahmadu Bello to rescue us?

PASTOR: Perish such thoughts please! Those men have not been able to save themselves. How can they save anybody? Jesus Christ is the answer!

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