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Money Without Family Relationship: A Time Bomb!

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The Futility Of A Marital Chase
Dr Hope Nwawolo

Money Without Family Relationship: A Time Bomb!

By Hope Nwawolo

Recently, l came across a trending post of a 72-year-old pensioner, who was said to have worked all his life to raise his kids. The writer of the post claimed the man was abandoned by his children whom he trained in expensive schools, at home and abroad.  It was further disclosed that his 65-year-old wife, had relocated to live with her children abroad, on the excuse of taking care of their grandchildren. The writer went on to paint the gloomy picture of the man as a bachelor once again and battling with high blood pressure and other old age ailments. He cautioned men that women love their children more than their husbands, so they should plan for their future. He erroneously put the number of such women at 97%.

This piece is in response to the above biased claim which is also capable of causing friction in homes striving for unity and togetherness. He may just succeed to plant a negative seed of distrust and discord in the minds of fickle-minded men, who before reading the article were enjoying a blissful relationship with their wives. It may also be possible that the writer is a disgruntled person who did not succeed in marriage or relationship and believes the same must be for all men.

When we see people like the writer portrayed, we should ask a pertinent question. What was the man’s relationship with his wife and children when he was ‘struggling’ to fend for them? Unfortunately, some men fail to realize that there is so much more in family life than money. In as much as money ‘answereth’ all things, it cannot be exchanged for lasting family relationship. 

Some men literally shove their wives aside while making the money without realizing the children see the treatment of their mothers. When some of these children become independent and financially stable, they feel obligated to compensate their mothers for the loveless treatment received from their fathers. In other cases, some men do not value family time, no matter how short, and would not understand the emotional craving of the wives and children when they really need it. Often, it is these women, that stay in the  gap in their absence, making the children bond more with  them. And instead of appreciating such women for filling in their physical vacuum, some men rather get jealous of the bond and further drift away from the children, while blaming the wife. 

Today, wise men make out time to pray, discuss, and have family outings with their families. This is called relationship building, which cannot be broken by distance in the future. The children from these homes grow up with memories of fun and family laughter. The women from such homes, have strong relationship with their husbands and will not stay more than one month when they go to visit their children. You will hear them say to the children, “Please, l want to go back to my husband.”  Why is nobody talking about them?

There are also couples who travel together to visit their children from time to time. So what stops a man from also going to visit his children whom he struggled to train? Is it that they did not invite him, and why? Perhaps they have no relationship! 

The claim of 97% women who abandon their husbands for their children is not empirical, cannot be scientifically proven, and is unfair to women. It also has the tendency to put fears into innocent men who are building strong relationships with their wives and children. I pray such men do not abandon their effort after reading such a biased write-up…for their own good! Every marriage and family is unique and should have values and principles that will bind its members together today, tomorrow, and in the future. This should override the quest for money if it cannot be combined with building lasting relationships with every member of the family.

Nowadays, while many men believe their provision of money for the home is the answer to family issues, the women sacrifice key factors that cannot be monetized, and build lasting relationships with the children. These vital factors are their tears and worries, emotional support, and constant prayers, among many others. Observably too,  some women are also contributing financially to feeding and sometimes, schools fees, as well as other necessities of the families. Despite these, they  find time to ensure that the family bond is maintained as best as possible. Unfortunately, the ego rather than complex of some men will not allow them acknowledge or appreciate the effort of these women and which the children obviously witness as they grow into independence and financial stability.

Therefore, instead of blaming women for the unpalatable fruit of old age loneliness as a result of early years of family emotional neglect, men should attempt to juggle their quest for money with building relationships that will see them through the evening of their lives, with members of the families. 

 Nwawolo, PhD, writes via 

hopenwawolo@yahoo.com

 

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Opinion

Cultivating Pluriversalistic Creativity And Scholarship Through A Curriculum In Falola Studies

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Dele Jegede In Conversation With Prince Yemisi Shyllon

By Oluwatoyin Vincent Adepoju

Compcros

Comparative Cognitive Processes and Systems

“Exploring Every Corner of the Cosmos in Search of Knowledge”

I envisage a curriculum of learning inspired by the work of polymathic scholar, writer, research organizer and scholarly entrepreneur Toyin Falola.

These curricula could be of two types.

One could explore the character of his activities in particular cognitive domains, the interrelationship of these activities and their conjunctions with and significance beyond the universe of activity generated by Falola’s work.

Another approach could be that of developing creativity by emulating Falola’s example. Such a learning strategy would aspire to cultivating creativity that is individualistic as well as collaborative, intellectual as well as imaginative and artistic, locally sensitive as well as multicultural and international in inspiration, grounded in the material world as well as maximizing the significance of cyberspace.

Such a pluriversality creativity would take inspiration from the individualistic character of Falola’s work-represented by his sole written books and sole written essays, book chapters and poetry.

It would adapt the collaborative character of Falola’s productivity, as demonstrated by his co-written books, co-written essays, edited books, editorship of journals, book series with various publishers, conferences, interviews, his establishing a publishing house/s/consortium, financing book publications, establishing prizes, and more perhaps.

The aspirant would work out how to employ for themselves their own version of the intellectual character of Falola’s creativity, as expressed in his scholarly writings elucidating, analysing, interpreting and applying phenomena, ideas and insights in various books, essays and public addresses.

This approach would develop for the individual the person’s own version of the imaginative dimension of Falola’s creativity, reworking material, social and mental realities in imaginative terms and projecting possibilities beyond the existent through such initiatives as new academic programs.

This method would cultivate a person’s artistic skill, creating novel structures of expression using expressive techniques centred in imagination and evocation rather than directness of expression and analytical power, as demonstrated by Falola’s poetry.

This learning strategy would explore how the student could learn from the insights possible through their environment, as well as contributing to shaping that environment, as evident in Falola’s studies of his African and diaspora African social, expressive and cognitive contexts and his efforts in contributing to shaping those contexts.

This perspective on creative growth would also seek to learn from a broad range of cultures and countries, bringing them into a synergy, perhaps focused on a central cultural inspiration, as is visible in Falola’s integration of Western and African thought and cultures in his scholarship, a scope recently extending into South America in studying perspectives on decolonization.

These initiatives in developing people’s creativity would draw from the material world of physical human sociation and the inspiration of nature, from physically embodied knowledge systems and the social networks and cognitive resources enabled by cyberspace, as exemplified by Falola’s use of both physical and digital learning resources, through his creation of collaborative networks in physical spaces such as universities in Africa and the West and the construction of an international research network using cyberspace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Opinion

Professor Jide Osuntokun: A Life Of Service And Legacy

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Dele Jegede In Conversation With Prince Yemisi Shyllon
Prof. Toyin Falola

By Toyin Falola

The Noble Academic and Patriot by Ayorinde Omosebi is a biography of Professor Jide Osuntokun chronicling the life of this great historian, diplomat, and educator who has left significant marks across Nigeria’s academic and political landscape. In a careful reading of this biography, it is seen that important aspects of his life, achievements, and purpose involve a dedication to knowledge, national development, and family. This tribute also sets an inspirational example: the life of a man of high caliber, whose character and major achievements are based on the principles of resilience, intellect, and unwavering integrity, dedicated to the betterment of society and future generations.

Professor Osuntokun’s ancestral lineage is a subject of the biography, revealing a family legacy steeped in resilience, leadership, and cultural pride. His predecessor, Aro-Ogeregere, a prince deprived of the right to the throne, chose to live as an exile rather than instigating a war, thus setting the tone for future generations. Dada, his descendant, did not differ in this aspect as he maintained fierce independence coupled with courage, thus becoming a leading figure in the Ekiti Parapo/Kiriji War, and he was famous for his astuteness as a commander and a soldier. Sapoloso-Ojo, the son of Dada, also followed a lineage tradition, fought in the British colonial army during World War I, and pioneered trade across regional borders. From the life of the Osuntokun family, something as simple as commitment to community, coupled with bravery and willingness to deal with hardships, was inherited from one generation to another. In addition to documenting Professor Osuntokun’s family origin, the author also underlines the firmness, the virtues, and the historical backgrounds that were part of his existence, explaining how the roots influenced his scholarly and moral character.

Professor Osuntokun’s primary education commenced at Holy Trinity Primary School Ilawe-Ekiti and later Emmanuel Primary School, where he performed excellently. During his early education, discipline, community values, hard work, and strong character were instilled in him, a standard that was taken to Christ’s School Ado-Ekiti when he transferred. As one of the most academically competitive schools well known for instilling discipline and morality, Christ’s School nurtured him through discipline, religious devotion, and cultural orientation. It was here that Osuntokun was able to cultivate a good dose of responsibility, hone competitiveness, and discover his intellectual standing. Another turning point was his move to Ibadan Grammar School for higher studies, which sharpened his analytical abilities and exposed him to more general intellectual difficulties. The high levels of education and quality leadership in these schools were central to his development of a view of the world, values, knowledge-seeking, and reformist attitude. As one can see from the biography, this period of his life also reveals a major theme of the work about the value of early education to later success.

When he got to the University of Ibadan, he intended to study geography, but he changed to History under the inspiration of the History professor, J.F Ade-Ajayi. Deeply involved in notions about nationalism and cultural identity during a moment of post-colonial intellectual enthusiasm, he was surrounded by an exciting academic setting. His stay at Ibadan was full of great discussions with similar spirits who shared a commitment to reshaping Nigeria’s future.

Professor Osuntokun’s advanced academic path started with the Killam Scholarship for Doctoral Studies at Dalhousie University in Canada, which offered him the opportunity to specialize in European, British, African, and Commonwealth history. His work on Nigeria in the First World War for his doctoral research entailed archival explorations in London, Hamburg, and Paris. In the biography, the focus is relevant to the discipline, depth, and historical analysis the completion of this project demanded, representing his skills in synthesizing complex historical narratives across international contexts.

The fact that out of all the students at Dalhousie, Osuntokun was one among the few ethnic minorities, not to mention doctoral candidates, put him in a particularly stimulating atmosphere. These developments enriched his academic experience by gaining multicultural perspectives, which deepened his understanding of colonialism’s history in Africa and its implications on the world.

After his Ph.D., Osuntokun’s academics led him to the University of the West Indies, where he pioneered the study of African history. His work in Barbados fulfilled both academic needs, reversed unproductive stereotype expectations from students, and provoked them with a positive outlook on African history. This formative period in his academic career, marked by international scholarship and teaching, established Osuntokun as a committed historian with a clear mission: to record and bring African voices and agency into the global discussion.

After his sojourn, Professor Osuntokun returned to Nigeria and was at the University of Ibadan, Jos campus, until he transferred to the University of Lagos. Indeed, his passion for academic excellence and intellectual rigor significantly impacted the landscape of universities across Nigeria. Quickly rising to be a powerful player in Nigerian academia, Osuntokun lectured with a dynamic style, combining historical insights with a critical viewpoint on Nigeria’s post-colonial difficulties. His lectures went beyond traditional history, often addressing issues of governance, nationalism, and ethics, shaping a generation of students who later became leaders across various fields. His influence extended beyond the classroom, as he was actively involved in curriculum development and mentorship, pushing for a rigorous academic standard in Nigerian institutions.

The biography highlights Osuntokun’s role in fostering intellectual discourse within Nigerian universities, establishing him as a committed educator dedicated to cultivating critical thinking and national awareness among his students. His contributions marked him as a transformative force in Nigeria’s academic development.

Professor Osuntokun’s tenure as Nigeria’s ambassador to Germany marked a notable chapter in his career, defined by diplomatic resilience and an unwavering sense of patriotism. Tasked with strengthening Nigeria’s relations abroad, he navigated complex political landscapes with tact, especially during periods of military dictatorship at home that often cast Nigeria in a challenging light internationally. His dedication to national integrity, even amidst these political tensions, underscored his commitment to representing Nigeria with dignity.

The biography portrays him as a diplomat deeply loyal to Nigeria’s interests, whose patriotism shaped his diplomatic strategy. This role expanded his influence beyond academia, reinforcing his dedication to Nigeria’s sovereignty and his role as a committed public servant.

Professor Osuntokun’s legacy is profound, spanning academia, diplomacy, and family life. As a scholar, he shaped Nigerian historical studies, advancing rigorous scholarship and mentoring generations of students who rose to leadership across various fields. His intellectual contributions enriched Nigeria’s academic landscape, promoting a nuanced understanding of Nigeria’s history and its role in global affairs. In diplomacy,

Osuntokun’s tenure as ambassador demonstrated his commitment to Nigeria’s sovereignty and reputation, marked by a sense of duty that transcended personal interest. His diplomatic engagements showed a balanced approach to representing national interests while addressing international concerns with integrity.
On the personal front, his dedication to family and moral values stands out, embodying the ideals of resilience and humility. The biography presents him as a role model, illustrating a life dedicated to service, intellectual growth, and patriotism. Osuntokun’s legacy continues to inspire, exemplifying the impact of a life devoted to both national progress and personal integrity.

The biography The Noble Academic and Patriot encapsulates Professor Osuntokun’s profound impact across academia, public service, and family life, preserving the legacy of a life steeped in intellectual pursuit, diplomatic integrity, and unwavering patriotism. His journey, marked by a dedication to Nigeria’s development and cultural preservation, offers an insightful reflection on what it means to serve one’s country through diverse roles.

This book not only documents Osuntokun’s accomplishments but also serves as a lasting tribute, offering future generations a model of resilience, leadership, and ethical commitment. Through detailed accounts of his academic rigor, diplomatic challenges, and personal principles, the biography immortalizes his ideals and contributions. It stands as an essential record, emphasizing his influence and the values he championed. In capturing his multifaceted legacy, the biography affirms his enduring relevance and underscores the transformative impact of his life’s work on Nigerian society and beyond.

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Opinion

My Ear, Coconut Oil And Magic Leaf (2)

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Readers’ Showers Of Encouragement
Prof. Tony Afejuku

By Tony Afejuku

When I set out to dwell on my ear ailment, my motive was simply to draw attention to my health predicament when I sensed that all was not seemingly well with me despite the medical remedies I underwent. That was on the one hand. On the second hand I was to awaken sympathy and feeling for my fellow compatriots who live among us beneath the poverty level and line, and who are incapable of buying drugs for their ailments because of the prohibitive costs of whatever drugs that may be prescribed for them. In any case, how many of them are capable enough in the real term and definition of their financial capability or capabilities? Under a system such as ours that is so horribly cruel and unjust and corrupt as to curtail and defeat and do away the good deeds and effects of helpers who can assist them as best as they could, all I could discern in the pharmacies and hospital I visited were things wrong, sorrowful and unspeakable. A number of them requested financial help from me – a fellow sufferer who did not allow his humanity to desert him – to buy medicines that were ineffective, and which they could not even pay for. Were the medicines in circulation genuine? Or were they adulterated as our corrupt system allowed the marketers to do as they pleased?

I am speaking like this because all the drugs I bought to give me relief and cure my ailment failed. They embarrassed me and the physicians who attended to me and prescribed my medicines. Their tides of medical interest and passion sustained my hope when the drugs failed. In my moments of ruminations I came to what I perceived as this inevitable conclusion: In present day Nigeria corruption is the ruler and inevitable king pin and dictator in the business and market of Western medical pharmaceutics. When my affected ear persistently kept its formation and falling of drops of pus-less, odour-less liquid, what did I do? I resorted to spiritual, and mystical thoughts and prayers for a solution. On more than one or two or three occasions I remembered and hummed quietly the following un-meandering melodic two lines:

“He shall deliver the needy when he crieth,
The poor, and him that hath no helper.”

Where the lines came from I could not (and still cannot) remember, so the source cannot be immediately referenced. All I can inform my readers now is that the melodic two lines contain powerful redeeming spiritual remedy that provided solution(s) that drew my ear from its house of bondage. As I hummed the lines a discernible shape formed by sequences of notes or musical sounds in the forms of calls and texts from my readers, constant and un-constant ones, flowed to me. I quoted some of them lavishly last Friday in this column. From the reactions or responses one could interpret that my health predicament proved to be some kind of despair to literary theoreticians and critics and a puzzle for social historians and prayer warriors. In their despair and puzzlement I discerned glaringly their compassion and humanity that pointed to the open sesame of my total healing. And when one of my spiritual and mystical helpers called to offer me spiritual healing, I had no cause to doubt him. Sehaji Jacob Oshodi was as mystically splendid as ever as Professor IBK, Barrister Rotimi-John Alade, Drs. Clement Odia, Albert Onobhayedo, Paul Onomuakpokpo, Professors Sonny Awheafeada, Owojecho Omoha, Omajuwa Igho Natufe, Dan Amadi and Mr. Saint Louis and Excel Rabiu’s fine instruments of aesthetic intelligence have been.

Everything I have said so far leads but to one end: the miracle of God, who actually has been (and is) the author of my column on health challenge and its metamorphosis. I am not the author, God is.

When I said that my earache had healed and was healing, I meant every word of it. Then the anti-biotic drugs and eardrops I was taking were working but not optimally so until some inscrutable phenomenon in the form of a female voice was sent by who else but God (?) to offer me coconut therapy. How to prepare it was given as exactly how to insert the curative juice into my ailing, sick right ear. When I did not get properly each stage of the preparation of the remedy, my total half who would work out the preparation –steps and -stages and details took over from me the diligent duty of listening to the caller who requested for anonymity here. To shorten the story, we did as instructed for full seven days. Throughout the day of bright light everything seemed to work out perfectly: no dripping liquid, no feeling of un-wellness, and no sign of discomfiture. But in the night, everything went back (or so it seemed) to point zero. The temptation to lose faith in God laid claim to my faith in Him. But this was not for long. A dramatic occurrence lashed out at my impatience. Something always must happen to a man of faith before triumph is realized. The ringing in my right ear, and the unusual sensation inside of it must cease and halt themselves. So help me God!

Believe it or not, God, in my impatient or desperate or despairing state, sent me some fish out of water in the person of my boy, a Barrister-at-law, and a researcher into several things outside his primary professional field and line of engagement. He knew of my ailment ab-initio. But he wanted the physicians to finish what they needed to finish before he would step in if there was need for him to do so.

Our family doctor after getting the result of the laboratory swab (test) of my affected ear, confirmed that what my right ear had was not a bacterial, but a fungal infection. The eardrops and pertinent medicines he prescribed for the treatment and effective cure did not do what they were expected to do. My boy took over from there. What did he recommend? Nature’s treatment in the form of a local lily-like leaf everywhere about us. It is common and looks ordinary. But it is a leaf of curative magic, and it is powerfully so. This very green leaf which I have since christened as tropical (Nigerian) local lilly-pilly. My boy got just one leaf, heated it with a lighter and then squeezed the averagely hot juice dripping from it into the aching ear. That was it. Of course, he did so every morning and evening for three days in the first instance. The effect was instantaneously instantaneous. In fact, its instantaneity was the instantaneity of instantaneity! Everything, or almost everything, uncanny concerning my aching right ear stopped. I was no longer a half hearer of things and sounds from my right ear. My hearing was now full and total. It has remained so.

By now my ENT specialist/expert, a retired professor who was out of my orbit had returned. Quickly, I dashed to see him even though my boy advised otherwise. After his examination with his audiometer he gave each ear, each of my beautiful camels, a very clean bill of health. The inner ear was freely free, that is, problem free. The outer ear of my affected camel was inflamed as a result of the fungal infection. His conclusion was that whatever cure from nature I got outside Western medical field was something he could not but extol. However, to subdue the inflammation he prescribed two eardrops. I bought them. My son objected to my using them. His lilly-pilly would take care of the inflammation which he also saw – in any case, when he was applying it. My young chap was correct. His God-sent fish out of water has proved miraculous. Troy will not fall again. My camels are galloping like buoyant horses. I am fully and fully healed.

Thank you, dear my readers all for your understanding and humanity for the past six or so hefty weeks of my doubts, despair, depression and solitude. And to God, the author, who chose me as the medium of His will to tell this tale, what do I say?

Concluded.
Afejuku can be reached via 08055213059.

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